United States Of America

A Zombie's History of the United States: From the Massacre by Josh Miller

By Josh Miller

Americans were taught that their state is civilized and humane. yet, too usually, U.S. activities were uncivilized and inhumane.
—Howard Zinn

Shedding mild on 500 years of suppression, this stunning exposé finds the pivotal function in American heritage performed by means of its so much invisible minority—zombies.

From colonization and revolution to international Wars and worldwide hegemony, A Zombie’s historical past of the United States tells the robust and relocating tales of this country’s living-dead underclass, including:

•The zombie bloodbath of eu colonists at Plymouth Rock

•The ugly killing of a zombinated Meriwether Lewis via his fellow explorer William Clark

•The doomed protection of the Alamo opposed to hordes of the attacking undead

•The heroic, platoon-saving cost right into a hail of German fireplace by means of an undead Lt. Audie Murphy

•The top-secret NASA missions that launched(and frequently misplaced) zombies into space

•The anti-terrorist application to prevent the weaponization of the zombie virus

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Extra resources for A Zombie's History of the United States: From the Massacre at Plymouth Rock to the CIA's Secret War on the Undead

Example text

John Sullivan, followed shortly by another 1,000 militia under Col. John Cadwalader. Washington immediately set his plan into motion. Washington’s gambit called for three separate columns of men to make three separate crossings over the Delaware: Washington’s column would lead the attack on Trenton; a second column under Cadwalader would cross near Bristol, Pennsylvania, and create a diversion to the south; a third column under Brig. Gen. James Ewing was to cross just south of Trenton and hold the bridge across the Assunpink Creek to prevent a potential escape by that route for Cornwallis.

Some cities, such as Philadelphia, chose to burn down their dead houses—with the undead inside—but in a time before hydrants and organized fire departments, it was a risky plan (with notable failures). Most cities elected simply to clear the dead houses out, which required huge 33 A Zombie’s History of tHe United stAtes The anti-zombie Fire Hook. mobs to subdue the zombies. Boston suffered Hell Friday on October 3, 1749, when citizens refused in protest to aid in a zombie roundup. The carnage that followed saw the implementation of the “see-and-shoot” law in Boston.

Then I was instructed down a stair to a room with a Live Dead harnessed to a bedding. Nearly I fainted. How any man could desire intimate connection with such creatures is more than I am willing to comprehend. On April 22, less than a week after the Continental Army moved into the city, all hell erupted in the Holy Ground. The mutilated bodies of two soldiers were found concealed in a brothel. One victim’s “face had been entirely chewed away where the nose and eyes belong and the skull emptied within, cleaned dry to the bone,” Bangs recorded.

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